A New Tradition?
Having just gotten through Thanksgiving and all the food and prep and shopping and people coordinating that takes place, has taught me another valuable lesson. I love Thanksgiving and fall and all that goes with it, but somewhere along the line I think I decided that if the day wasn’t done a certain way, well it just wasn’t a good Thanksgiving.
For as long as I can remember, my mom and my aunt orchestrated the whole event. They set the gold standard and then little by little handed it down to my siblings and my cousins. We used the best china and fancy linens, there were candles and flowers and fine crystal glasses. We dressed up in our best clothes.. We would all receive assignments a month in advance as to what dish we were bringing, and everyone knew what to do.
As our families grew however, we eventually had to split up and that’s where things got messy. Other people had other traditions and if the holiday wasn’t at my house, I had to go along with whatever they liked to do.
My brother’s second wife didn’t see the need to use real china plates and your best silverware, so Thanksgiving dinner was served on paper plates, and we used plastic utensils. My husband’s brother’s wife hates all Thanksgiving food (turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, pie, you name it, she hates it), so she is constantly trying to reinvent the meal. The list goes on, but you get the point.
I’m fine with that sometimes, but I will admit, I am a creature of habit, and I like the way my family did the holidays. The food was our tradition, it was our family culture and while we didn’t always like single every dish, we all knew the love that went into them made us who we are.
Somewhere along the line, I probably took things too far and decided I would make all (or at least a lot) of the food so I could have control. That worked for a while but the reality of was, it was just too much for one person to do, especially when there was a large crowd. For years I would do the grocery shopping, and the prep and clean the house and get the table set and flowers arranged and then I could start cooking. Whew! The payoff for me was that I got to keep my family’s traditions alive…but at what expense? I became totally burnt out.
This year we were to spend Thanksgiving with my husband’s side of the family. I felt overwhelmed with the whole endeavor to try to get them to make a traditional meal so this year, I relinquished control and let others take over some of the harder parts and I just made a few of our favorites and took a back seat.
I will tell you it was the most relaxing Thanksgiving I’ve ever had. The stress was on someone else this time and I had resigned myself to just embracing whatever came out of the oven. Everyone chipped in with a dish or two and much to my surprise, it was one of the tastier meals we’ve ever had with that group!
Letting go and letting others help, was the key. I didn’t have to do it all to get it right, I just needed to let others into the circle! I still love the traditions I grew up with and so do my kids, but I needed to learn to stop being like the Little Red Hen, doing things myself and then resenting everyone else in the process. When you let others join in and help, it’s more fun and way easier, It’s no trouble!
Maybe that will be my new tradition!